it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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