I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
