They should really pass out barf bags in church
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
