He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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