I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
