Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
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If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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