She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
