The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
