Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
