I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
