My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
