3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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