does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
