I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
