just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
