In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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