Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize