My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
