I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
