Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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