I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
