pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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