thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
