just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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