Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
