I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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