I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
