haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
