these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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