I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
