You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
