nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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