When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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