Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize