i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize