I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Found the puke drawer
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
