I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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