Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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