Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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