I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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