The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
