It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
