If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
