were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
