im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
