i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
