hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ketchup is God's man juice
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
