If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
