It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
either way he was missing a nipple.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
