Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
