i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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