I want to have your abortion
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
