I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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