I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
