I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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