I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
