Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
