In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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