I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
