i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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