i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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