Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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