bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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