The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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