I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
